The Tangerine Toddler, the Robot Biden, and Canada’s Own Conspiracy Carnival
It was only a matter of time before MAGA turned on its orange king.
For years, Donald Trump fed his base a diet of raw conspiracy meat so rich it could clog the arteries of democracy itself: Pizzagate, birtherism, wind turbines causing cancer, chemtrails raining poison, robot Bidens, and a mainstream media that apparently fabricates everything except his golf scores.
MAGA ate it up. They believed that once he ascended his throne, he would slay the Deep State, unmask the lizard people, and cast Democrats into the fiery pit they imagined beneath a Comet Ping Pong pizza joint.
But now? Now they’re sharpening their fangs… for him.
The Epstein Files: When the Conspiracies Point Back at the King
Trump spent years promising his base that he would expose the so‑called “Epstein files” and reveal the names of powerful Democrats allegedly involved in Epstein’s crimes. At rallies, he teased it. His own attorney general even claimed she had the files “on her desk.” MAGA believed it — after all, this was red meat for them: the ultimate proof of the Deep State, of Democratic depravity, of Trump as the righteous avenger.
But now? Both the FBI and the Attorney General have announced that there are no such files — and Trump has started scolding his own followers, telling them they shouldn’t even be talking about it anymore. Instead, he’s scrambling to change the subject, trying to point them elsewhere, anywhere but here.
And that’s what’s really upsetting MAGA.
Why is their king, who once vowed to expose it all, now telling them to drop it? Why is he backing away from the very conspiracy he sold them?
It doesn’t help that Trump himself was friends with Epstein for years, famously calling him “a terrific guy” and remarking — on the record — that Epstein “likes women on the younger side.” While there’s no clear evidence that Trump is in the unsealed documents, the optics are hard to ignore.
Now his followers are left asking: if the Epstein files were just another lie, what else was?
This is the danger of building a movement on conspiracy theories — eventually, they circle back and bite the one who told them.
Canada’s Own Diet of Tall Tales
Before Canadians get too smug about the dysfunction to the south, let’s take a look at what’s happening here.
Because we, too, have a would‑be saviour who thinks misinformation is a political strategy: Pierre Poilievre.
Like Trump, Poilievre seems to believe that you can govern a country by simply saying it’s broken over and over again and waiting for voters to hand you the keys.
Here are just a few of Poilievre’s greatest hits:
“Canada is broken!” — Repeated often enough to sink into the national psyche like a bad jingle.
“Abolish the CBC to save money!” — (A rounding error in the federal budget, but sure, Pierre.)
“Carbon taxes cause all inflation!” — (Because global supply chains, wars, and pandemics don’t count.)
“Freedom is under attack!” — (Often shouted from inside a taxpayer‑funded limousine.)
“People are fleeing Canada in droves!” — (While immigration and population growth hit record highs.)
And just like Trump, he’s positioned himself as the lone warrior who can fix everything — armed with nothing more than righteous indignation and a TikTok account.
Should he ever ascend to power, it won’t be long before Canadians realize he has no plan, no tools, and no clue how to fix anything. Like Trump, he’ll just keep blaming the last guy.
The Authoritarian Playbook
The strategy is painfully familiar:
Declare the country “broken” (even if it’s not).
Blame elites, media, immigrants, and minorities.
Promise you alone can fix it.
Deliver nothing but more blame.
When caught in your own lies, declare yourself the victim.
Sound familiar?
If Canadians don’t wake up and learn from the tragicomic spectacle unfolding in the U.S., we’re destined for our own version of a tangerine toddler — just in a navy‑blue suit with slightly better diction.
A Word of Advice
To our fellow citizens:
Before you hitch your hopes to a saviour screaming about how broken everything is, ask them to explain — clearly — what they’re going to do about it.
Ask for a plan.
A real one.
If they start mumbling about “freedom,” “the elites,” and “brokenness,” turn around and walk away.
Because the last thing Canada needs is to import another authoritarian playbook from a neighbour who can’t even agree on whether their president is alive, human, or a robot.
TL;DR:
Trump fed MAGA nothing but lies, and now they’re eating him alive.
His retreat from the Epstein story shows what happens when conspiracies catch up to you.
Poilievre is following the same script here — minus the orange hue, so far.
Canadians: don’t fall for it. You deserve better than conspiracy‑flavoured junk food.
If you enjoyed this post, subscribe and share — before the robot Bidens shut it all down.